Matthew 18:15-20, Romans 13:8-14
In the 1980 hit movie, Nine to Five, Doralee Rhodes, played by Dolly Parton,
discovers that the whole office believes she is having an affair with the boss,
Franklin Hart. “Well that explains it. No wonder all these people treat me like a
dime-store floozy…” Mr. Hart is a “sexist, egostical, lying, hypocritical bigot” and
would be skewered in the #metoo movement that cast corporate sexual
harassment into the spotlight a few years ago. In 9 to 5, the women’s
accomplishments are credited to the men in the office and their complaints against
Mr. Hart are ignored over and over again, and so Doralee, Violet (Jane Fonda) and
Judy (Lily Tomlin) take matters into their own hands. The boss is secretly hog-tied,
presumed away on business, while the ladies institute workplace reforms that
actually improve morale and productivity. It’s a wildly exaggerated comedy, of
course, of what can happen when HR doesn’t respond appropriately to conflict in
the office. And it’s a good movie (for adults) to watch on this Labor Day weekend
and especially in memory of the dearly departed Dolly Parton.
Matthew’s 18th chapter is not intended for corporate conflict, but for those living
together as the family of God. “Jesus is describing what life looks like in a
community committed to protecting the vulnerable, telling the truth, and pursuing
reconciliation.”1
The passage we have before us today has been used by many
under the heading of “church discipline.”
Discipline. Discipline, in this context, by definition is training that develops self-
control, obedience, or order. Too often “discipline” is synonymous with punishment.
Is this a formula for “church obedience,” “church order,” “church punishment?”
Nobody likes the sound of that.
We might call this, Jesus’ three-step process for conflict resolution in the Kingdom of
Heaven HR policy manual.
Here’s what he says.
If a brother or sister has hurt you, first, GO to them and TELL them how they have
hurt you. If they listen to you, the issue will be resolved. If they don’t listen, move
on to step 2.
Step 2: Take with you one or two others so that every word may be held
accountable by two or three witnesses. If the offender listens, the issue will be
resolved. If they don’t listen, move on to step 3.
Step 3: Take your concern to the church. If this doesn’t change anything, treat them
as any other gentile or tax collector.
Before we look more closely at this three-step process for church conflict resolution,
I need us to consider the context and realize that what Jesus is implementing is less
First, consider the context.
These verses come immediately after Jesus has instructed his disciples on humility
by centering a child among them. (jamie alford, tabitha borders) Perhaps it’s one of
the disciple’s children he calls over to him. Here is one of the least among them –
not only in size, or age, but the person in the lowest position in their society – and
Jesus says, “if you don’t become like this little one, you won’t be able to understand
what the reign of God is supposed to look like. To be like one of these, is what it
takes to be great.” And then he went on to say, in no uncertain terms, woe to
anyone who dared to lead one of these little ones astray. And to drive home his
point, he told them a parable of a lost sheep. And how, of course, of course!, the
good shepherd will leave the rest of the flock – all 99 – to go in search of just one
little sheep who has lost his way. And when that lost one is found? Oh how the
shepherd rejoices! And he tells them, in the same way, God in heaven is like that
Shepherd.
So I ask you, where has Jesus disciplined their focus?
On the least among them. On the one who has lost their way.
On the least and the lost.
On the least and the lost!
So, in the very next teaching, our text for today, that many have read like an
excerpt from a church policy manual, we would do well to read it through this extra
powerful lens of humility that centers the least and the lost.
First of all, these instructions are given to people who are in relationship with each
other through the common causes of the church. These are not instructions for
dealing with a conflict with a stranger. This is us. And with each other, we should
assume love, or at least a benevolence for one another.
The counsel offered here in Matthew is aimed at persuading the offender with
minimum embarrassment. With that, when someone has hurt you in some way, you
are to Go. To. Them. The one wronged bears responsibility of initiating reconciliation
and mending the breach. The one sinned against is not to sit back and wait for the
other to do their Christian duty and apologize.
Now, wait a minute. You may think the way Ted Lasso thought when he said, “three
things you gotta let come to you: babies, cats, and apologies.”2
But his good friend,
Coach Beard says, “sometimes, Coach, you’ve got to go to them because it’s what’s
best for you. You keep holding that stuff in, I’m afraid your mustache is going to pop
off.” And it will eat you up inside.
Going TO your sibling in Christ, when done with humility, is a gesture of
reconciliation. Going TO them in sincere hope of reconciliation is more likely to
produce genuine forgiveness. You go in HOT to shame the hell right out of them and
you *might* force an apology, but (then who’s acting like a so-called Gentile) You
will have made your point, but you will not have preserved the relationship, or
promoted reconciliation.
The next step – enlisting witnesses – is not to gang up on the guilty party. Listen.
What if the witnesses are brought along not to help convict the offender, but to help
us listen to each other? Each step of Jesus’ process includes listening as a key
component. When in conflict with someone who won’t listen, the witnesses you
engage are not there to intimidate, but to help the other one hear, and maybe even
more to help you listen for what you might be missing.3
The outcome hoped for is to
convince, not convict.4
The third attempt at reconciliation is to bring even more ears into the room, more
wisdom, more life experience, more grandparents who love you no matter what,
more folks who have been in your shoes, their shoes. We have all been hurt and we
have all done the hurting. We have all sought understanding and to be understood.
The key phrases seem to be, “if they still won’t listen,” and “if they ignore” the
injury they have done… then let them go.
It may sound like cutting ties, breaking fellowship, but at this point it is more of a
recognition that there is no fellowship to break.5
“Let them be as a Gentile or a tax collector,” Jesus says. Wait, what? Does this
mean the church is to wash its hands of them? Hardly. Whereas Jesus is a KNOWN
friend of tax collectors, Gentiles, and such; and whereas later in Matthew Jesus says
these are the very ones who will enter the Reign of God ahead of the temple
authorities (21:32)6
; it seems that now the church is to look upon this one as a
sheep who has gone astray, as one who has the potential to be brought back into
the fold.
Don’t mishear me. Relationships can be fractured and trust can be broken.
Consequences are real. We mustn’t diminish the steps Jesus put in place for his
followers. He is saying that we must hold those who do harm accountable with
love.7
Meaning, we must not “cancel the church’s obligation to imitate the relentless
welcome of Christ.”8
These are guidelines for a community where every member
watches over another, where the whole body assumes responsibility for every
member, where every member is accountable to the whole church.9
Life together is
beautiful and messy.
Hard conversations are… hard. Doing our best to be like Christ, we go into them
with two ears and one mouth, with the humility to listen and the courage to tell the
truth about our own feelings, in regard to our own hurt. Skipping over that first step
is like leaving a toothache to resolve itself. It will either lead to infection in your
whole mouth, or the nerves will die and leave you numb. If we don’t honor our own
pain, seek treatment and healing, we risk becoming numb to the pain of others. If
Jesus can take on the pain of the world… we can have a hard conversation in hopes
of saving the lost and the least and ourselves in the process.
What we do in our closest relationships has eternal value. That’s what this next part
about “binding” and “loosing” is talking about. Cosmic consequences.
Take Dolly Parton’s word for it. She said in a video she posted, “If you go around a
bunch of hate and anger bottled up inside you, then you can’t blossom as a person.
You’re not doing yourself any favors, or anyone else. It’s just so much better to
forgive… it’s so important to cleanse your own heart and your own soul… we should
never be too proud to forgive, or to ask for forgiveness… it clears out your heart to
allow the good stuff to come in.”10
In the end, Jesus promised to be with us in the hard stuff. Where 2-3 gather with
their focus disciplined on the least and the lost, Christ is present to shepherd their
decisions. Lord, help us. Amen.
1 Adkins-Jones, Timothy, Christian Century commentary, Matthew 18:15-20, September 2026
discipline as punishment and more the discipline to have a focused point of view.
2 Ted Lasso, Season 2, episode 12, “Inverting the Pyramid of Success”
3 Garnaas-Holmes, Steve, Unfolding Light Worship Resources
4 Garland, David E., Reading Matthew, 1993
5 Garland quoted Frank Stagg’s work in the old Broadman Bible Commentary
6 Garland
7 Rothaus, Kyndall Rae, Sojourners magazine, Living the Word September 2026
8 Adkins-Jones
9 Garland
10 Facebook video