Admitting to Wrong When We Are Wrong

2 Samuel 11:26-12:13; John 6:24-35

I’m sorry.  It seems simple to say, right?  An apology.  I’m sorry.  But as we all know, apologies are not easy.

 “Yes, I know you asked me to stop and get milk, but I thought we had enough.  So, I didn’t buy more milk.”

 Something like that has happened to all of us at some point, right?  So how do we handle these situations?  We could say, “I checked this morning, and there was plenty of milk.  Someone drank it.”  When we learn that no one has been home all day to drink the milk, we might say, “Well, I know there was plenty of milk this morning.  Someone broke into our house and drank our milk.”

 Sounds a little silly, right?  But we like to be right, and an apology admits we are wrong.  That stings.  Psychologists say people with a fragile ego will dig in their heels and refuse to admit they are wrong, sometimes going to extreme lengths to prove they are right.  It is the mature who say, “Oops.  I thought we had enough milk.  Sorry.  I’ll run to the store and get some.”

  But what if it’s not milk.  What if it’s big.  Adultery. Murder.  Cover ups.  You remember the story of David and Bathsheba.  I said last week that the verbs in that text drive the story.  He saw.  He sent.  He took.  He lay with her.  And soon she sent him word: “I am pregnant.”  To cover his wrongdoing, David then had Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, a loyal soldier in the king’s army, a member of an elite fighting force, murdered on the battlefield.  Eighteen other soldiers died in this cowardly cover up.

  The prophet Nathan confronted the king.  He told him a story.  Two men.  One rich and the other poor.  The rich man had many flocks and herds.  The poor man had only one little ewe lamb.  It was like a pet.  It ate his food, drank from his cup, and would lie in his bosom.  The text says, “it was like a daughter to him.”

 The rich man had a guest drop by.  Rather than take a lamb from the many in his own herds, the rich man took the poor man’s only lamb, his little pet, and slaughtered it for dinner.

  When King David heard this story, he became indignant.  “As the Lord lives, the man who has done this deserves to die,” the king said.  He went on to say that the poor man should be repaid fourfold.

  The courageous prophet then said to the king, “You are the man!”  I actually like the King James Version better, “Thou art the man.”

 Now, how will the king respond?  He could have had the prophet killed.  He could have denied it.  He could have created another cover-up to cover his first cover-up.  But he didn’t.  David admitted his wrong and said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

  Failure to admit we are wrong when we are wrong creates what psychologists call cognitive dissonance.  That’s when we believe something to be true that is proved not to be true.  We believe we are a kind person, and yet we were just rude to a waiter.  We believe we are smart, and we just did something that wasn’t very smart.  The king may have thought he was an honorable man, but he clearly did something that was not honorable.  Cognitive dissonance creates internal tension, so we try to justify our action: “Well, the waiter was rude to me first.  He deserved it.” 

  Failure to admit we are wrong when we are wrong is a function of pride and can ruin relationships.  Loved ones will push away from us.  Colleagues will not trust us.  It is the strong who can admit they made a mistake.  It is the strong who can apologize.  And it is the strong who can accept an apology gracefully and not shame the one who apologizes.

 People were asked in a survey what they most like to hear people say to them with sincerity.  Number one is “I love you.”  Of course, we all like to hear that said to us with sincerity.  Number two is equally important, “You are forgiven.”  You’ve made a mistake and apologized.  You’ve made yourself vulnerable.  We like to hear that we are forgiven.  The third thing we most like to hear?  “Supper’s ready.”

 We’re all human.  We need to love and be loved.  We need to forgive and be forgiven.  And, yes, we want supper too.  We all make mistakes.  Hopefully ours will not be as big as King David’s.  But we can follow his example by admitting we are wrong when we are wrong.

And now supper is ready.  Before we receive the bread and wine, let us confess our sins.  It is printed in your worship guide.  Join me as we confess our sins together.

 Prayer of Confession from Ephesians 4

With humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, we pledge to make every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of love.  We have not always done so.  Forgive us, Lord.  Remind us that there is one body and one Spirit, one hope of our calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, and one God and Father of us all.  Hear our silent prayers…

 Assurance of Pardon

We are no longer children, tossed to and fro and blown about by every wind of doctrine.  We are God’s chosen and forgiven people.  Let us live in the light of that forgiveness.  Thanks be to God!