The Healing Power of Mourning
2 Samuel 1:1, 17-27; Mark 5:21-43
This is the story of Gloria and Mario, though it could be your story. Or mine. Gloria was 62 when her husband Mario died from prostate cancer. Unfortunately, the cancer was diagnosed after it reached an advanced stage. Mario had surgery and underwent hormone therapy and chemotherapy. Gloria was at Mario’s side every day and hoped and prayed that he would recover, but he got weaker with each treatment. He was ill for nearly two years. Three weeks before he died he moved to a hospice. Gloria knew he would never return home. He didn’t.
Gloria and Mario had been married forty-two years and had three children and six grandchildren. They had their ups and downs during their life together, and it hadn’t always been easy…. However, despite these challenges they loved each other dearly and were looking forward to all the things they would do in retirement together. (Psychology Tools, “Grief, Loss, and Bereavement” by Drs. Whalley and Kaur, August 4, 2020)
Instead, Gloria was left to mourn alone.
The American Psychological Association describes mourning this way:
The process of feeling or expressing grief following the death of a loved one.… It typically involves apathy and dejection, loss of interest in the outside world, and diminution (decrease) in activity and initiative…. Other mourning reactions may include anger (e.g., toward the deceased for dying); a sense of relief (e.g., that the deceased is no longer suffering); anxiety about the repercussions of losing someone upon whom the bereaved may have depended; and physical signs (e.g., fatigue, loss of appetite).
And here’s the reality. Everyone mourns. It is a bond we share with every other human being. We will all lose someone we love, and we will mourn. I find it helpful to think of the process of mourning as a pathway. It is taking us from an experience of acute loss—my child died, my spouse died, my dearest friend died—to a place of acceptance and peace. The process of mourning is how we heal from the pain of loss. It is not a once-size-fits-all process. Mourning is as unique as we are. Some people will move to a place of acceptance and peace in days or weeks. Other may not get to that place for months or even years.
Remember what Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount? “Blessed are those who mourn,” he told his disciples. Why would he consider those who mourn to be blessed? “Because they will be comforted,” he said. They will eventually move down that pathway to a place of acceptance and peace.
The Bible gives us many examples of mourning. Our Old Testament lesson for today is an elegy, David’s mournful lament of the deaths of King Saul and Saul’s son and David’s dear friend, Jonathan. Both died in battle. When David learned of their deaths, he tore his clothing, a sign of grief. The text then says that he and his companions “mourned and wept and fasted.” Here’s what he said about his very close friend Jonathan:
How are the mighty fallen
in the midst of the battle!
Jonathan lies slain upon the high
places.
I am distressed for you, my brother
Jonathan;
very pleasant have you been to me;
your love to me was wonderful,
passing the love of women.
Let me make a few observations about David’s elegy.
Notice first that David’s mourning is not labeled. It is not called good or bad. It says simply that he mourned and wept and fasted. That’s the way we’re made. Mourning is as natural as joy or anger or fear. Mourning is the natural human response to the death of a loved one. That’s the way God made us. And the deeper we feel the loss, the deeper the mourning.
A seasoned pastor wrote a book after the death of his wife. At the end of the book, he included a list of things he wished people wouldn’t say during a time of mourning. Here are a few of them. Imagine someone saying this to a grieving parent:
God needed another little flower in His garden, so He took your son.
I was told something like that when my mother died when I was nine years old. My brothers and I were seated on the couch in my grandmother’s living room, a room we rarely used. A well-intentioned pastor told us that God needed another angel in heaven, so God took our mother to be that angel. Of brain cancer. At age 32. Leaving behind three little boys.
Some other things the pastor wished people wouldn’t say: Don’t cry. You mustn’t feel that way. Don’t be mad at God.
David mourned. It’s natural. He tore his clothes. He wept. He fasted. You mourn your way. It is your pathway to acceptance and peace.
Here’s another observation. Mourning may be caused by losses other than the death of a loved one. David lamented the death of his very dear friend Jonathan. With King Saul, though, it was, as they say these days, complicated. Some speculate that near the end of his life Saul may have been mentally ill. He personally tried to kill David. When he was unsuccessful, he sent soldiers to try to kill David. So, I’m not sure David was mourning the death of Saul the way he was mourning the death of Jonathan. Maybe he was mourning the uncertainty the king’s death created for the people of Israel. The insecurity. The vulnerability. Their king was dead.
Here’s my point. Many kinds of loss can cause mourning. A divorce. Maybe you didn’t want the divorce. Even if you did, there were some good times.
Termination from work is a loss that can produce mourning. "They called me at 4 o'clock and told me to clean out my desk and turn in my keys. I've been with them twenty years, and this is the way I get treated.”
The death of a family pet. A son or daughter leaving home. A child born with a medical issue. A missed opportunity. You've waited and waited for that promotion, and then you were overlooked.
David mourned the death of a friend. He also mourned the loss of a king. Embrace your loss. It is your pathway to acceptance and peace.
Let me make one more observation, and this one is the most important. Another person mourned the death of King Saul. It was the priest Samuel who had anointed Saul as king of Israel. God asked Samuel, "How long will you grieve over Saul? I have rejected him from being king over Israel. Fill your horn with oil and set out."
Do you know why God told Samuel to fill his horn with oil and set out? There was another king to be anointed. God had already chosen a future for the people of Israel. God said, "I will send you to Jesse the Bethlehemite, for I have provided for myself a king among his sons." That king's name, the son of Jesse, a shepherd boy at that time, was David. David became the greatest king in Israel's history and the lineage from which our own Lord Jesus Christ would come.
Fill your horn with oil, God says. I've got great plans for you on the other side of your mourning.
When I was a boy, my grandfather bred Dalmatians. The cutest puppies you'll ever seen are Dalmatians. He had a male and female that had had several litters of puppies together. The female was killed in an accident. And the male stopped eating. After a few weeks, my grandfather went out to check on him one morning and the male died too. My grandfather said that he grieved himself to death. It was the talk of our family for weeks.
Then when I was a student in seminary, my grandmother died. She and my grandfather had been married for over fifty years. My grandfather stopped eating. It took three years, but he too grieved himself to death.
He couldn't hear God say, “Clyde, fill your horn with oil. It’s time to reinvest in life."
If you are mourning, listen for that call from God. You don’t need to rush, but remember mourning is a pathway, not a parking lot. There may be some stops along the way and a bump here or there. But ultimately it is a pathway that leads to acceptance and peace. My prayer for you is that you will experience the healing power of mourning.
Closing Prayer
Lord, come to those who mourn. Comfort them that they may be blessed indeed. Amen.
